Well, if I weren't full of myself, who would I be full of...? /:)

[aureantes]

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but your head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll actually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Hmmmm.......yep, that sounds about right for the moment. The near future that is currently developing for me is very interesting indeed...mmm, and probably most of its attendant details and plot elements ought to be considered classified information, as what is everyday to me is not exactly everyday to the rest of the everyday world.


_

Comments

[lurkitty.livejournal.com]

Heh, glad to hear that the days progress...

[aureantes.livejournal.com]

They are progressing, and no longer in solitude, either. I will eventually get around to posting more on how things have changed with me, but in the meantime (tonight) I'm just cleaning up a few things online, lest it be assumed that I'm still pathetically holding onto the broken intimacy of what was torn from my hands simply because I thought to have and to hold it at all. I've been publically silent for such a long time, trying so hard to preserve her reputation and the possibility of reconciliation with all that we once shared....enough to undermine myself severely and nearly lose myself altogether from having that entwining ripped away. She may have helped me heal once upon a time, but I tend to think now that prolonged+deep intimacy with her can only wound me, and may well have done so many times before, because she cannot actually tolerate not being the one in actual superiority/control/dominance -- and I tend to give too much in love, historically, not thinking of myself where it matters until I have to pull away to preserve (rescue) my own compromised dignity or integrity itself. Lovers sometimes may never understand the treasures that they've been entrusted with, the vulnerabilities and secrets placed in their hands -- the sheer submission of love itself, offered in faith that it would not be betrayed nor ignored nor taken for granted. Real love is the greatest leap of faith that can ever happen -- and sometimes it lands rather hard.

Heh. The people who delight in saying that "God is Love" generally have no idea what a massive and overwhelming passion that alleged Divine Love must be, magnified infinitely (as it must logically be, according to all theologies) of all the greatest pangs and ecstasy that burn within the most acutely ardent and sensate heart. And even taking it to the extreme of individual souls' passion, that's sometimes far too much for others to accept nor comprehend. When one's true and rightful nature is to be ardent, barring and withholding the fire/light harms oneself most of all -- having no one to love is what kills the soul. Love as paradoxically/inversely vampiric, feeding on what it gives forth and offers of itself....or something of the sort; I'm prone to mystical analogies lately.

Gah, rambling.....I've been keeping far more 'normal' hours lately, so my eyes are tired. Things will be still sparse and unpredictable with me until perhaps Wednesday night, when maybe I can get back to repairing my old groups and getting back into the flow of moving forward again. Pardon my TMIish verborrhea -- there are so many that are just on a whole different level for me now, that it's both hard and very needful to catch up.