Why am I feeling so evil tonight......?

Evil primeval, evil mediaeval, evil much eviller than thou.....well, I'm not really, am I...?

Hmm.....I dunno, Davey....at the moment I'm pretty replete with all the names, epithets, and adjectives of reprehensibility that have been thrown my way since sundown.  You'd think I'd be more upset about it, seeing as both parties supposedly (in their own eyes, I mean) extended a hand of cordiality and relationship-building.  And what did I do?--I snapped and growled and worried at them until they started to feel personally threatened and tried to drive me away by force.  And then, when I could have possibly made some move to "fix" things, I fired off ice-cold Parthian shots and stalked away.

And yet, Librans love people and harmony, right.......?--can't live without them, will do anything to keep the peace and not make waves....?  Bullshit.  Librans love partnership--and if their partners betray, belittle, or hurt them, that is where the scales snap, and the balance flips to vicious--with the hotheaded stubbornness of an Aries (across the wheel), the methodical lucidity of a Virgo and the smouldering-dark vindictiveness of a Scorpio (flanking signs).

Oh.  And the indomitable pride of a Leo (my rising sign).  Indomitable--I will let no other tame me to their will.  La Balanza holds equality as the greater good, over both domineering and submission--but for those who attempt to pull rank before proving their real stature, I have no mercy at all.  I will not even accept their lip-service of mollification, reconciliation--I scorn that seeming prey.

It's not often that one sees me lose my patience openly online...with enough outlets to funnel things into, enough places to hide my thoughts, enough friends to confide in, these affairs only come to a head when they are really and truly about to break and leave no going back.  Of course it's much easier when they're A--not worth the time to maintain your own personal involvement in, or B--able to be salvaged for excellent scrap, maybe even the hull of a whole new ship.  Having mounted various kinds of salvage operations before in my life, I hope that I am not mistaken there...at any rate, I would not for the world have had the captain go down with that foundered craft.

Cutting the crap for a second, I'm glad not everything gets lost in these sort of messes.  Especially people who aren't bloody wankers, arrogant Mary-Sue (or not) brats, and/or high and lofty Elders-of-their-Tribe types, dispensing sanctimonious platitudes that they aren't exactly practicing in the particular situation at hand.  Who aren't insular, prejudiced, paranoid, control-freak asswipes (man, I'm really going to town here) lording it over their nominal domains even when they aren't in them, and demanding that all must bow before their superior experience and wisdom. 

(Hypothetical newsflash--maybe my experience just moves faster, maybe my wisdom doesn't depend on what tribe I belong to, what fandoms I frequent (and whether I can ooh and ahh and drool in sync with a crowd of maximum size and noise), what grades and degrees I have in some hoary and hidebound hierarchy, or even how long I've been active online--or alive on this earth, this time around.  Maybe I just happen to be right....)

But whether I am or not, my outright anger is still discriminating.  I will always acknowledge a person's intelligence and talents when they are shown, even if I cannot stand being in contact with that person directly.  I will always acknowledge a person's virtues, when I am aware of them, and will defend an accurate view of them against all comers, even those that are most understandably irate.  I will also never strike at a person when they are down--I will help them back up instead, and do what I can to mend.  Excluded from this are the cats who roll on their backs only to scratch the more closely, trusting in guilt.  I am not able to be guilted, sometimes not even by my own mother.  If you are wrong, you are wrong--I won't hold it against you, not unless you keep insisting you're right.  And if I am wrong, when I am wrong by all facts that can be found, I say so and that's the end of it--go on to something else.  If you do not want me in your group, go on and say so--kick me out or I'll leave, whatever.  I can go somewhere alse, I am not dependent on your approval.  I have no need for plays of dominance in my own groups either--unless, that is, you are so foolish as to attack and needle me without reason there.   

I do not know whether I actually forgive, or merely rationalize away as inevitable and forget.

Memory is a bitch.

I have a dangerous temper.  Therefore, as with a deadly and well-honed blade, I keep it under close restraint, and use it only when needed, occasionally using the very finest edge to cut a niggling threat (I mean, thread) or two in the daily round.  The full length (thank you, ladies and gentlemen) only comes out on special family occasions...and if anyone who reads this thinks I have snapped at them, or gotten mad to their face, they've massively underestimated my in-person potential--and overestimated my personal stake in rousing their emotions.  It's ridiculously easy for me to piss people off....sometimes all I have to do is just....be myself.

Pick a card, any card. 

 

Try the one with the Scorpion....you'd be surprised what it can do.  Even after all of this....