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...actually, six days ago, to be precise, that being last Monday (1:29 am Chicago time, for the horoscopically inclined). And despite all the erratic festivities, running around out to breakfast and dinner, and some very thoughtful gifts, I still haven't yet gotten the one shared experience that I was most intent on doing during the day on my birthday.
And that is?
A walk in the woods. Just a simple, nature-communing, mystical, listening-to-the-trees, relaxing, non-stressing, away-from-the-things-of-man walk in the woods with my significant other.
Slightly a bother to get, though, when the days are growing shorter and every excursion that we've made in that general direction seems to end with it being too late to do anything unrushed before the mosquitoes settle in and it gets on to sunset -- or she with her allergies acting up on Monday and then the day after next not having taken her medication before we left the house -- and then just today (Saturday) my having gotten up to teach on too little sleep and feeling again-but-worse like I was coming down with a cold, and our catching up on sleep for two hours in the afternoon making it too late to head out....
So it's been postponed repeatedly in favour of other things, and I'm getting antsy with the worry that we'll never get out there anyhow -- or that when we do it'll feel like a waste of time, too little too late -- which is a horrible feeling.
I was saying earlier this week that I understand why some people just stop celebrating their birthdays after a certain point -- to avoid the disappointment of not getting the experience that they secretly hope for. To prevent others from being able to hurt them that way, in that place where childhood anticipation creeps up on one somehow despite all cynicism and self-conditioned lack of expectations. Wanting is natural -- and unfortunately so is frustration, and so are the things that frustration impels us to.
So.....yeah, a bit morose and melancholy, and my most effective positive stimulation at this precise solitary-up-late moment lies in thinking about Halloween decorating and the maskmaking workshops I'm going to be doing next weekend here at the house. Apart from that, there's a lot of thinking about how much I have to do around the house and in sorting out my papers and art supplies and bedroom clutter, and how easily both the things I [the things I both] want to do and crucially need to do get derailed and delayed by others' more vocal needs and wants.
Uh, yeah, Libra....stop being such a softhearted doormat and assert your own desires as valid and not-to-be-dismissed. Follow your bliss. Throw a lasso 'round the ankles of winged Time and make the careless bastard wait up for you. Give yourself a few birthday presents already, ya self-denying perfectionist....
_
And that is?
A walk in the woods. Just a simple, nature-communing, mystical, listening-to-the-trees, relaxing, non-stressing, away-from-the-things-of-man walk in the woods with my significant other.
Slightly a bother to get, though, when the days are growing shorter and every excursion that we've made in that general direction seems to end with it being too late to do anything unrushed before the mosquitoes settle in and it gets on to sunset -- or she with her allergies acting up on Monday and then the day after next not having taken her medication before we left the house -- and then just today (Saturday) my having gotten up to teach on too little sleep and feeling again-but-worse like I was coming down with a cold, and our catching up on sleep for two hours in the afternoon making it too late to head out....
So it's been postponed repeatedly in favour of other things, and I'm getting antsy with the worry that we'll never get out there anyhow -- or that when we do it'll feel like a waste of time, too little too late -- which is a horrible feeling.
I was saying earlier this week that I understand why some people just stop celebrating their birthdays after a certain point -- to avoid the disappointment of not getting the experience that they secretly hope for. To prevent others from being able to hurt them that way, in that place where childhood anticipation creeps up on one somehow despite all cynicism and self-conditioned lack of expectations. Wanting is natural -- and unfortunately so is frustration, and so are the things that frustration impels us to.
So.....yeah, a bit morose and melancholy, and my most effective positive stimulation at this precise solitary-up-late moment lies in thinking about Halloween decorating and the maskmaking workshops I'm going to be doing next weekend here at the house. Apart from that, there's a lot of thinking about how much I have to do around the house and in sorting out my papers and art supplies and bedroom clutter, and how easily both the things I [the things I both] want to do and crucially need to do get derailed and delayed by others' more vocal needs and wants.
Uh, yeah, Libra....stop being such a softhearted doormat and assert your own desires as valid and not-to-be-dismissed. Follow your bliss. Throw a lasso 'round the ankles of winged Time and make the careless bastard wait up for you. Give yourself a few birthday presents already, ya self-denying perfectionist....
_
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